The thing about faith is that when you've lost it, you learn the ability to regain it.
The process is sometimes long and painful.
You'll move two steps forward knowing you'll lose half your momentum.
Sometimes the weight of all your burdens won't let you move.
You'll feel your knees buckle, so you learn to crawl.
There are days when you wonder why you want to live to see another day.
Then you remember all the love behind you and how they've helped push you every step of the way.
You start thinking you can't let their efforts go in vain and you find the strength to move on.
As much as you think you are doing this alone, you're not and you're never done.
Never done honoring your dreams and wishes.
Never done honoring what makes your heart beat.
Never done honoring what makes your feet dance.
Never done honoring what your hands write for your bright future.
Never done living the best life you can possibly live.
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I wrote this yesterday before my Artist's Way group meeting. I finished listening to the book on Audible and I actually shed a tear. It has been a remarkable 12 week ride getting to know my art again, staying the course with my new artistic endeavors, and challenging myself to let go of the bad habits I picked up when I was lost.
It truly did feel like I was a Phoenix, rising from the ashes of my own destruction. I've seen a lot people self-destruct in more obvious ways, whether it's alcohol, drug, or gambling addictions, and in a way I was no different for a few years. I was consistently telling myself that my dreams were over and I was going to be happy settling into a "normal life."
Boy I tried and it felt like I was worse off then I was before. It goes to show that denial pushes you back farther from your truth and you'll have to make up ground. Yes, I may have been lost, pushed back, beaten up, and in the dark for years, but somehow I got through.
Reading the Artist's Way was a great reminder to know that I'm stronger than I think I am, I can see clearly when I want to, and I have the ambition to get what I want in life, once I decide what exactly it is.
