September

We shared a beautiful moment together
That came from death and despair
Simultaneously anticipating pain and joy
Feeling connected to each other

Both of us suddenly becoming aware
That with a certain kind of sadness
It can bring tender loving care

From feeling empty and hollow
To being filled with a deep emotion
Little by little
We feel a bond
We feel devotion

Out of greif
Can we receive
A new found love that comes from within
To move forward to where no one has been
 
With each break
Can we see
That the best laid plans are ahead
For you and me

If we follow them
We can make it
But each step
Must be made carefully

Breathing

If I take my last breath and leave
I'd find a way to travel to where you might be
I'd defy heaven and hell
And stay in this purgatory

To follow you from place to place
Just to make sure you were happy

From day to day
I'd be by your side
Even if other worlds have a hold of me

They'd scratch, they'd grab and try to pull me through
But you're everything to me and I gravitate to you

I am holding on to your dear life
Even though I'm gone
In life you captured my heart
With you always is where I belong

I'd watch you sleep every night
And make sure you woke up every day
There would be times where I just couldn't watch
I couldn't bare to stay
To watch you love another or be in pain

I'd miss my calling
To make sure you wouldn't break

I'd be your angel
To watch you make great choices
Go through each decision
Watch you fall and make mistakes

I'd wince when you hurt yourself
Feel joy when you smile
Feel alive again for a short while

I'll be with you for your life
Even though I lost mine
I'd carry you through every situation
Walk along side of you for every mile

Being Distracted

Man, I have so much sewing to do but my thoughts are coming out of me and I get very distracted.  Maybe because I don't really feel like working or because I'm just day dreaming again.  Who knows, but I just wrote this one and as you can tell, I'm slowly updating my blog with some of the poetry I've written lately.  I have a lot of older poems, but I was so young and you know how that goes.

Fame

I open myself up to the whole world
But sometimes I forget to let people in
My life revolves around them
And I forget what matters most is him

They speak the loudest and act absurd
He speaks soft and quiet his voice is never heard
Sometimes I forget he is there
When the superficial world tells me to care
About issues I don't believe in

And it saddens me to play this stupid game
Just for a shot at fifteen minutes of fame
The more I work the more I gain
Losers and degenerates at my doorsteps
Telling me how to plan my day

All I wanted was to balance love
Hold it privately
Have it daily and have some fun

But work and the other life beckons me so far
I don't know which way to choose
Sometimes I want to stay
But someone always pleads their case
It doesn't matter
In either case I lose any way

I'm not sure what's worth it
Not sure what to do
But I do wish for dear life
That you'd speak up
To fight
For what was right for you

I never hear you complain
You act so solemn
Like a portrait of a sad man
In a worn out vintage picture frame
One touch and I fear you would break again

Are we really living life together
Or are we playing their game
We're just pawns to them
Let's live this life our way

On a roll

I was trying to figure out what my husband and I should be for Halloween, we usually keep it simple.   Either a serial killer because they look like everyone else or as an island girl, because I'm from the Philippines and I can just wear something tropical.  But in thinking of Halloween and what kind of hell I can put my hubby go through by dressing up, I made up this poem.  I was having fun imagining the hell I can put someone through just by being with me.

Islands

If my heart was an island
You would be on it digging a hole
But I'd let you dig just to be swallowed
By my very soul

I'd keep you there until I was ready to let you go
Held captive by my passionate heart
Fire hot and not an ounce of cold

You would be the center of me
I'd balance you between past, present and future beginnings
Whatever angle this of lust would bring

I want to keep you all to myself
Get jealous when others are near
Torture both of us in this relationship hell
Keep us separated from the world just
Because of my unreasonable fear
Of losing the one who tried so hard
Got in and trapped themselves
In a place no one knows is there

You'd be mine forever
Whether you like it or not
I'd make sure the flames inside
Were hotter than hot

Every single day the temperatures would rise
But all you could do is stay
You would never find cold water to dampen this place

Our pit of passion and desire
Our burning hot coals
Would burn higher and higher
And the ship you hope for
Would never even sail

All your escapes would fail
So I can keep you close
Like a prisoner in jail.

Hahahahahahahaha (Jenny's Evil Laugh Prevails)  Lol

To own

I can stay up here all night
I can think of ways
To live a more simple life

But it doesn't work that way
It may work easy for you
But for me I have to stay awake

I would have hoped it turned out ok
But living without you is never easy
Although I know it's only right

For now I can dream of kissing you
Holding my pillow
Remembering when I was holding you like you were mine
Only to let go, because I couldn't hold on tight

I let you slip away
I let you leave my life
I had no purpose
With or without you
I couldn't fight
I couldn't shine

Not as bright as I wanted to

At least alone, I have a sense of security
To make many choices
And make them on my own

Bits and pieces

I've been writing a lot of my thoughts down in my journal, but just in bits and pieces of randomness.  I've been listening to a lot of Sera Cahoone and the Parson Red Heads since they will be coming in a few weeks and my husband said that I've been writing in song form.

I have no idea what that means, since I've lost touch with playing any kind of musical instrument since I was 9.  But I always have a song in my head, a tune in my heart, and like to pretend I can sing.  Anyways, here are bits and pieces of my randomness.

Homefront

I want to be selfish with you
All I want is to see you home
So we can spend the day
Away from everyone and be alone

Together we can make our home a fort
Give in to anything we want to
Be sheltered away
Maybe for only the night
Or even for a few days

Time always passes too fast
But in our fort we can slow down the pace
If we don't have fun now
We'll be old and gray

But even then we'd have this place
Your heart has always been my home
And there I'd stay
Forever

Even if our bodies change
Whether you become an animal incarnate
We'll have each other
And we will never see the end of days.

Rearranged

I always thought that
Love could wait
I never dreamed it
Would be here so fast

When you came in
I rearranged
My life and moved on from my past

Our eyes met
In the hallway
I kept walking on
Moving on,
Trying hard to catch my breath

A few years later
Our love is still that strong

Sweet Rain

Rumor has it that November brings sweet rain
But from here it looks like it will be dry
At least for a little while

I love you most when it rains
We laugh and make sure to always play

But it may not come for days

We may be apart until then
I wouldn't want you to see see me this way

Disheartened by couples in love
Laughing and loving when my skies are gray
My smile is gone without you
Only my frown remains

Until I see you next
Can I be happy again
When you come
Be sure to bring that sweet sweet rain

A Dream to Leave

You made up your mind a few days ago
To follow your dreams and leave
You spent days in bed thinking about what you wanted

Tossing and turning
Pounding your pillow
Leaving the room, the bed and me

And then you finally decided
What was good for your needs
I understood the pain in your eyes
The tears ran down
And we could no longer deny

Your dreams were taking hold
And they wanted to soar

As you laid in comfort
I would lay there hurt
Waiting for you to fall asleep

To see you lay there and dream
Your big dreams without me

Wow, it seems like I have forgotten to update this blog.  If you were wondering where my writing has gone, I've been writing articles for Examiner.com.  Here is my writing portfolio.

http://www.examiner.com/fashion-design-in-phoenix/jennyvi-dizon

I've written stories and poems since then, but as much as I want to share them, I really don't feel like my poems are any good.  We will see, one day maybe soon I can have the courage to post one I think that is worthy for the public's eyes.