Red tail lights, midnight sky
and shadows of dark mountains behind
My view of the road is clear and full of hope
Whatever has held me back is in the past
Forward is the only way to go
If I change my mind again
The state I'm in won't change
And how things are will just stay the same
I can't waste my days
On something that will soon fade
My life is meant for better
My soul I must save
The routine of life I can get use to
A comfort and a constant if I stay
If I leave, a chaos maybe waiting
But a big reward may be paid
--------------------------------------
I've always been a big dreamer and as uncertain as my future is, I know I have to shake things up and work a lot harder to get to where I need to be. Whatever excuses I had in the past, I'm letting go and just putting in the work without holding myself back. Fear is a horrible thing to have when it comes to a future. I know for me I have held back my potential over being afraid of moving. Being afraid of living alone in a city and being away from loved ones.
When I moved to New York this summer, I had no idea how much my eyes would widen and what experiences I would be exposed to. There were a lot of good times, some bad moments, but overall everything I needed to experience to build a spine and get over being afraid of being in a big city with lots of people and just really put myself out there. Meeting people and forming relationships that would be important for my own personal development as a fashion designer and a artist.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Creep
Something about quiet feet
You don't where they are
They walk around you soundless
When they stalk , they creep
They won't let you go
At least not so easily
They will hound you
They think they're bound
You are the one that will complete
A puzzle piece in an empty space
They won't let you leave
As silence fills their heart
The music becomes deafening
As soft as he can be
He can hit hard
Sometimes the point is lost on me
There can be no reason to live
Sometimes dead is the best way to be
******************************
I wrote this poem thinking back to a time where I was afraid of a man who wouldn't leave me alone at work. He was on a construction site at my job and he would follow me to lunch. I was young and at the time I was fearful of being kidnapped.
You don't where they are
They walk around you soundless
When they stalk , they creep
They won't let you go
At least not so easily
They will hound you
They think they're bound
You are the one that will complete
A puzzle piece in an empty space
They won't let you leave
As silence fills their heart
The music becomes deafening
As soft as he can be
He can hit hard
Sometimes the point is lost on me
There can be no reason to live
Sometimes dead is the best way to be
******************************
I wrote this poem thinking back to a time where I was afraid of a man who wouldn't leave me alone at work. He was on a construction site at my job and he would follow me to lunch. I was young and at the time I was fearful of being kidnapped.
Friday, October 4, 2013
Cherish Each Day
I catch myself lying awake
In bed just holding you
Wondering what I would do
If you weren't alive to be able to
That's why I cherish each day
I can hear sweet nothings
Only to hear them from you
Lucky I can speak
If only to say all the things
That make me love you
Thankful I have eyes
So I can see how
Blessed my life has been
Since you've been in it
When I awake I can't wait
To start my day
With the best man I could have married
Knowing our love is still growing
From our youth to beyond death
Our hearts will be together
Our bond will never break
In bed just holding you
Wondering what I would do
If you weren't alive to be able to
That's why I cherish each day
I can hear sweet nothings
Only to hear them from you
Lucky I can speak
If only to say all the things
That make me love you
Thankful I have eyes
So I can see how
Blessed my life has been
Since you've been in it
When I awake I can't wait
To start my day
With the best man I could have married
Knowing our love is still growing
From our youth to beyond death
Our hearts will be together
Our bond will never break
Friday, September 20, 2013
Minding love
Sleeping with a girl just because you can
Is an unattractive quality
Especially in a man
You can fuck
But can you love
Unfeeling, you've let yourself go numb
The cold settles until it's completely in
Frosted water becomes rock solid
There is no hope for you to be warm again
There will be no fairytale ending
No Belle to find
You just fuck
Because you don't love with your heart
You love with your mind
Is an unattractive quality
Especially in a man
You can fuck
But can you love
Unfeeling, you've let yourself go numb
The cold settles until it's completely in
Frosted water becomes rock solid
There is no hope for you to be warm again
There will be no fairytale ending
No Belle to find
You just fuck
Because you don't love with your heart
You love with your mind
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Cross Country
I know you love me
Just looking into your eyes
The way I feel them on me
Even when you're not nearby
Across a crowded room
I feel you near
Across the country
I always wish you were here
We had years and we will have many more
Even when we have silence
Together we grow old
My heart use to be tarnished silver
But with you it's polished gold
I will come home
From what seemed like another world
I watched other people collide
Watched some crash and burn
They're planets didn't align like ours
So my life stayed constant
My love still strong
You always had me
Where you were
Was where I belonged
We made it through this time around
I know how determined we are
Our lives were destined
Our hearts are like our vows
But even after death our souls are forever bound
Just looking into your eyes
The way I feel them on me
Even when you're not nearby
Across a crowded room
I feel you near
Across the country
I always wish you were here
We had years and we will have many more
Even when we have silence
Together we grow old
My heart use to be tarnished silver
But with you it's polished gold
I will come home
From what seemed like another world
I watched other people collide
Watched some crash and burn
They're planets didn't align like ours
So my life stayed constant
My love still strong
You always had me
Where you were
Was where I belonged
We made it through this time around
I know how determined we are
Our lives were destined
Our hearts are like our vows
But even after death our souls are forever bound
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Almost Like a Wedding Day
You said I could always make it rain
So when you left Tucson
I was jogging the Hudson
And so it came
To bless this day
While I wait
3 months have gone
Since I have seen your face
But my love grows strong
Even in silence you cannot sedate
The life we live together
Though were apart and far away
Our lives still intersect
We live this life because it's fate
The rain came down on me
But all I could think about was our wedding day
All the emotions rushing in all at once
All of it I wanted to keep and save
Much like today
As the rain poured down on me
I was still happy
Thinking that this is how memories are made
My vision was blurred
But you were my saving grace
Through crashing winds
I felt like the stones on the shore
And you were crashing in like the waves
I was frightened by the lightening
So close on the water while I ran
My heart beat faster
But most of it was thinking of you
The only one I could ever be with
My true love
My Man
So when you left Tucson
I was jogging the Hudson
And so it came
To bless this day
While I wait
3 months have gone
Since I have seen your face
But my love grows strong
Even in silence you cannot sedate
The life we live together
Though were apart and far away
Our lives still intersect
We live this life because it's fate
The rain came down on me
But all I could think about was our wedding day
All the emotions rushing in all at once
All of it I wanted to keep and save
Much like today
As the rain poured down on me
I was still happy
Thinking that this is how memories are made
My vision was blurred
But you were my saving grace
Through crashing winds
I felt like the stones on the shore
And you were crashing in like the waves
I was frightened by the lightening
So close on the water while I ran
My heart beat faster
But most of it was thinking of you
The only one I could ever be with
My true love
My Man
Sunday, August 18, 2013
The Best Version of Me
He came back crawling
After he broke my heart to leave
He wasn't in love for two whole weeks
So he could be the man he wanted to be
My heart was still open to being with him
And so once more we were together again
But something in me had changed
The light I had for him was growing dim
I knew he couldn't spark it again
He didn't deserve the best of me
The best was waiting for him
I was waiting for a man
Who loved me more than I loved him
Waiting for someone to hold my heart
His hands would put me back together again
The day I saw you
We passed each other in the hallway
But I just wanted to stand there
Just to look at you for awhile
Didn't know what you could mean
So much had happened
But I saw you with me
Til this day
I still can't believe
That you were the man
Who got the best version of me.
After he broke my heart to leave
He wasn't in love for two whole weeks
So he could be the man he wanted to be
My heart was still open to being with him
And so once more we were together again
But something in me had changed
The light I had for him was growing dim
I knew he couldn't spark it again
He didn't deserve the best of me
The best was waiting for him
I was waiting for a man
Who loved me more than I loved him
Waiting for someone to hold my heart
His hands would put me back together again
The day I saw you
We passed each other in the hallway
But I just wanted to stand there
Just to look at you for awhile
Didn't know what you could mean
So much had happened
But I saw you with me
Til this day
I still can't believe
That you were the man
Who got the best version of me.
This Room is Not Mine
I live in a place
That seems just fine
I wish I could try
But this room is not mine
I'm almost homeward bound
I live in a space
On borrowed time
I'm living in a temporary situation
Nothing in this room is mine
I'm almost homeward bound
I wish I could live
On my own
Be here in the comfort of silence
Be alone with my own sounds
I'm almost homeward bound
Almost home to face
My life in a different way
My reality I cannot escape
I'm almost homeward bound
Where do I start
If not from here
I can't let failure win
I cannot let fear become my fear
Jump into it
Head first
No need to hesitate
Don't let it hurt
Home is what you make of it
Just make it work
That seems just fine
I wish I could try
But this room is not mine
I'm almost homeward bound
I live in a space
On borrowed time
I'm living in a temporary situation
Nothing in this room is mine
I'm almost homeward bound
I wish I could live
On my own
Be here in the comfort of silence
Be alone with my own sounds
I'm almost homeward bound
Almost home to face
My life in a different way
My reality I cannot escape
I'm almost homeward bound
Where do I start
If not from here
I can't let failure win
I cannot let fear become my fear
Jump into it
Head first
No need to hesitate
Don't let it hurt
Home is what you make of it
Just make it work
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
The Good Kind
I want him to be mean
So I have a reason to leave
But he never does
He is good to me
He treats me as if I were a queen
I don't want to be
I don't deserve his heart
He is too good to me
I'm afraid to hurt him
Afraid I might leave
Just to follow my every dream
But he stays
I don't why is he so good to me
He says he would follow
Follow me behind my dreams
But I feel guilty
That he is very good to me
It's not fair for me to have everything
But as other people have taught me
One break can hurt
And once a heart is broken
It can never return
To the way things once were
I can never hurt a man
A man that is good to me
So I have a reason to leave
But he never does
He is good to me
He treats me as if I were a queen
I don't want to be
I don't deserve his heart
He is too good to me
I'm afraid to hurt him
Afraid I might leave
Just to follow my every dream
But he stays
I don't why is he so good to me
He says he would follow
Follow me behind my dreams
But I feel guilty
That he is very good to me
It's not fair for me to have everything
But as other people have taught me
One break can hurt
And once a heart is broken
It can never return
To the way things once were
I can never hurt a man
A man that is good to me
Monday, August 5, 2013
A thousand things to know
I've read at least a thousand books
Now I have a thousand stories to know
I know how they end
I can write a story of my own
Books are my guide for learning
Through each book I lived before
With all the stories in the world
I thought I could live this life alone
Never did I imagine that my love story would unfold
The reality of my life is with yours
Even though
I'd hate to admit and hate is such a strong word
Your life merged with mine for some reason
Maybe to tell a story no one has ever heard
As much as I would like to write you off
The pages won't let me erase
All the good memories we have had
And the bad times we have embraced
I don't know how our book will end
Don't know how long it will be
But at least if I'm with you
I'll always have my sanity
Now I have a thousand stories to know
I know how they end
I can write a story of my own
Books are my guide for learning
Through each book I lived before
With all the stories in the world
I thought I could live this life alone
Never did I imagine that my love story would unfold
The reality of my life is with yours
Even though
I'd hate to admit and hate is such a strong word
Your life merged with mine for some reason
Maybe to tell a story no one has ever heard
As much as I would like to write you off
The pages won't let me erase
All the good memories we have had
And the bad times we have embraced
I don't know how our book will end
Don't know how long it will be
But at least if I'm with you
I'll always have my sanity
Friday, August 2, 2013
The me and you
This time apart is distance
Long and far from being ordinary
I wake up every day and think that I am free
Except that I can't break from you without losing me
I put on a face here
That I'm happy and living a dream
Except those dreams would be half filled
Because I cannot exist without us, without the you and me
I love it here
But I can hate it here too
You can meet so many people
But without a connection its like a city of fools
They play their game
Pretend there is a need for you
Use you up and leave you useless
And make you feel like there is nothing you can do
If we plant seeds here
Would we ever see the roots
Or would you play the game of fools
I worry that you would change and then there would be me without you
Long and far from being ordinary
I wake up every day and think that I am free
Except that I can't break from you without losing me
I put on a face here
That I'm happy and living a dream
Except those dreams would be half filled
Because I cannot exist without us, without the you and me
I love it here
But I can hate it here too
You can meet so many people
But without a connection its like a city of fools
They play their game
Pretend there is a need for you
Use you up and leave you useless
And make you feel like there is nothing you can do
If we plant seeds here
Would we ever see the roots
Or would you play the game of fools
I worry that you would change and then there would be me without you
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Bad Seed
You're away
So very far away
I close my eyes but I cannot see your face
It's shadowed in my mind
Shadowed by all the temptations this city can bring
I know you love me
But sometimes it's hard to believe
That every single person I meet
Wants what I have with you
Wants to feel what we feel
But I have my own personal demons
Demons that no matter what won't subside
They hide behind my thankful heart
They creep inside
The love I know I have found in you
But I can't shake the feeling that
I can never be me
Without my own light
You guided me through so much
And I don't want to sound ungrateful
But the demons I can't shake
Still are inside
I want you to help me with them
But deep deep down
In the core of my big and loving heart
Is just a tiny little seed
That knows it can be bad
So very far away
I close my eyes but I cannot see your face
It's shadowed in my mind
Shadowed by all the temptations this city can bring
I know you love me
But sometimes it's hard to believe
That every single person I meet
Wants what I have with you
Wants to feel what we feel
But I have my own personal demons
Demons that no matter what won't subside
They hide behind my thankful heart
They creep inside
The love I know I have found in you
But I can't shake the feeling that
I can never be me
Without my own light
You guided me through so much
And I don't want to sound ungrateful
But the demons I can't shake
Still are inside
I want you to help me with them
But deep deep down
In the core of my big and loving heart
Is just a tiny little seed
That knows it can be bad
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Borrowed Sorrows
Sometimes I stare blindly
Contemplating too many sorrows
Not of my own but many that I borrow
I have too many little problems
Too little to deal with on my own
So problems I have, but they are borrowed
Let me take on your worries
On my little shoulders
Let me take on your woes
So you may have some weight lifted
And joy you can begin to know
I don't mind your burden
I don't mind the sadness it may bring
Only to have you be happy
Let it be on me
So you can have all the good things
My life won't have meaning if you don't smile
Let it rain on me
So you can have good fortune
At least for a little while
Contemplating too many sorrows
Not of my own but many that I borrow
I have too many little problems
Too little to deal with on my own
So problems I have, but they are borrowed
Let me take on your worries
On my little shoulders
Let me take on your woes
So you may have some weight lifted
And joy you can begin to know
I don't mind your burden
I don't mind the sadness it may bring
Only to have you be happy
Let it be on me
So you can have all the good things
My life won't have meaning if you don't smile
Let it rain on me
So you can have good fortune
At least for a little while
Real to me
What keeps me up at midnight
The silence that creeps inside
The racing beats of my heart
And the thoughts of you that won't subside
I asked myself why I think of you at this hour
But I guess I really don't mind
To see your face imprinted in my thoughts
Even when I close my eyes
Sometimes I prefer to see you in my dreams
Only because you're more real to me
In life, I am too afraid to be myself with you
But here in my imaginary space
I can be whoever I want to be
Without fear without complication
Just you and me
I wish I was real to you
As you were real to me
You'll always have a special place in my heart
Although, you'll never know who I am
Because you're just a dream to me
You'll never know I watch you from afar
You'll never know that you'll always be safe wherever you are
I'll be like an angel
Except living on earth
As real as I can ever be
I don't mean to scare you
I don't mean to be lurking in shadows
Hoping one day you'll talk to me
But for now knowing you're safe is enough
Even though I dream
Dream to be yours
Dream to be real to you as you are real to me
The silence that creeps inside
The racing beats of my heart
And the thoughts of you that won't subside
I asked myself why I think of you at this hour
But I guess I really don't mind
To see your face imprinted in my thoughts
Even when I close my eyes
Sometimes I prefer to see you in my dreams
Only because you're more real to me
In life, I am too afraid to be myself with you
But here in my imaginary space
I can be whoever I want to be
Without fear without complication
Just you and me
I wish I was real to you
As you were real to me
You'll always have a special place in my heart
Although, you'll never know who I am
Because you're just a dream to me
You'll never know I watch you from afar
You'll never know that you'll always be safe wherever you are
I'll be like an angel
Except living on earth
As real as I can ever be
I don't mean to scare you
I don't mean to be lurking in shadows
Hoping one day you'll talk to me
But for now knowing you're safe is enough
Even though I dream
Dream to be yours
Dream to be real to you as you are real to me
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